We all need help from time to time, but a lot of people from all walks of life can struggle to reach out for help even when they really need it. For many of us, asking for help can feel so uncomfortable that we would often rather try to do everything ourselves, no matter how difficult that may be, or suffer in silence despite the fact that most people are naturally inclined to help others and are happy to give a helping hand.
Being highly sociable, humans depend on one another to survive, learn, and grow, so giving and receiving help is absolutely natural. Moreover, helping others actually makes us feel good. So why is it so uncomfortable for us to ask for help when we’re in need?
Why asking for help is so hard?
There are many different reasons why we may struggle to reach out for help, and the primary reason is fear. It may be fear of appearing weak, vulnerable, lazy, or incompetent, being judged, being rejected, or burdening others with our problems. We may also believe asking for help is selfish or that others aren’t motivated to help us out.
But although our very individualistic culture prides people on handling everything on their own, it’s not the only way to approach things. Actually, asking for help is a sign of strength and confidence. It doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. It just means you need help with something specific for a time because you know that trying to do everything yourself is not always the best use of your time, skills, or energy and that it can leave you feeling overwhelmed and stressed so you can’t do things properly.
Another reason why asking for help feels so hard is that we are often terrible at communicating our needs clearly so that others can offer constructive aid. It partially happens because of a cognitive bias that is called the illusion of transparency. It’s the mistaken belief that our thoughts, feelings, and needs are obvious to other people.
This bias makes us just wait for someone to notice our telepathic plea for help, and when no one does, we inevitably get frustrated. The good news is that most people are surprisingly willing and able to help when asked so you have to let them know and clearly explain what you need help with.
